Job Search or Why I Will Never Get a Job


I’ve got a job interview. Or, better, I have a job interview that is not for a completely commission-based door to door sales position advertised as marketing. At long last.

So, in my sleepless night, I’m reading articles written by self-claimed experts that write for Demand Studios, aka one of the writing websites with the most self-importance ever created. Instead of talking about how much I want to try the Acai diet, but not the expensive one (I’ll get the stuff at Holland&Barrett), or my unconditional love for the Glaceau Vitamin Water (Lemonade), I will go through my favourite questions from the list of questions recruitment consultants are supposed to ask.

What is your preferred way of communication – instant message, phone, or email?

BBM or texts or DMs on Twitter because they appear as bubbles. OK, being serious…IM because they get the best of both worlds (like Hannah Montana). They allow an exchange that is close to face-to-face (even if it lacks the expression of emotions) while keeping the benefits of writing (minimizes the risk of not getting the words right, it’s easier to put on hold, you can have more conversations going on at once without the room being like Wall Street). I don’t like it too much for relationships, but I would make a law that obliges people to do business via BBM.

What is your favorite book? How about your favorite movie?

Favourite book…I would probably go for the Picture of Dorian Gray, even though the top 3 (that, Birdsong, The Little Prince) looks more like a score. It’s like the list of my Twitter crushes (no, that is not job interview material), can you really pick a favourite among Elijah Wood, Arthur Darvill and Craig Gazey? It goes for the first because “He was Frodo”, second “He was in Doctor Who”, third because “I hate you because I was in love with your character in Third Floor and the idea you are two separate people kills me so unless you are a great Hitchcock fan like him you are not going to be first in this life. Try again in the next”. So, basically, the reasons why I pick one above the others are absolutely irrelevant.

Favourite movie is a bit trickier. The top 3 is probably Control (life and death of Ian Curtis in black and white), Once Upon a Time in America (absolute masterpiece, calling it a gangster movie is too reductive) and Citizen Kane (life and death of a megalomaniac in black and white, directed by a megalomaniac). Yes, I know, no Hitchcock. Notorius makes it very close, as so it does whatever starred James Stewart. However, Hitchcock is one of those directors whose I like the style so much I like the whole production, so I list them as favourite directors but won’t probably list a film in my favourites. Exception made for Citizen Kane, but I must say I am not as a big fan of Orson Welles as a director as I am of Hitchcock. Another film worth mentioning is “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”, but it’s basically because of Elijah Wood and the fact the title is taken from my favourite poem. Oh, and (500) Days of Summer too.

What historical figure do you admire and why? The Red Baron. He was a great tactician, a good leader and what a strength of character and will is behind a man who managed to fly down his plane when wounded to death? People still make hypothesis about the circumstances of his death, and we are close to the centenary, because he was just too skilled and experienced to behave as he actually did. I don’t support wars, but as the past cannot be changed (and if it could World War I would be a fixed point in time for sure) I think war strategy can teach us a lot, as well as war propaganda and von Richthofen was a national hero of his time for a reason. I know this will probably deny me any career prospect, but it’s an honest answer.

If you could choose anyone (alive or deceased) to have lunch with, who would it be? Oscar Wilde. Or Stephen Fry if I have to pick someone alive (yes, I know, he played the former). They would be a lovely company. Wilde especially, we have so many things in common you would not believe that I don’t actually spend my life trying to be him. I don’t, I promise. If it was a lunch date I would say Lord Byron, though. But I don’t think a recruiter would ever ask about which historical figure I want to have babies with. I suppose.

If you could be any animal on a carousel what would you pick and why?
According to Wikipedia, carousels may have dragons so a dragon. I was born in the year of the Dragon, and I think it represents me perfectly. Though Dragons in the Western world are considered evil, they are everywhere in heraldry so it is rational to assume they are a symbol of power here as they are in China. And would you say something related to the legend of King Arthur can have a negative connotation? I wouldn’t.

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